Sometimes I sleep for lives...
Sometimes I can barely sleep at all.
Either way, I am exhausted.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Anxiety Attack #137
dryheave like a cat- back twisted all up in the air. throw Up on the floor. Drool, snot. In my darkest hours I am. on the the closet floor gasping for air. up so high no one can hear my cries. completely and utterly alone. i hear people moving in the house.
Longing
never longed to be loved. longed to give love. pour love like hot wax, and light ablaze to burn forever until i burned out. never knew love to give.
we have nothing
you take everything. you even take the one thing you were interested in. so we have nothing.
Tactile
tactile. i never held hands before; would slit my wrist because I wear my heart on my sleeve. could feel all of the ridges of your fingers; could feel your heart beat.Lies. have you ever been lied to kinesthetically? i never held hands before.
Once
My mother shuddered when I said;
I once wanted to kill myself.
If only she knew,
Once doesn’t mean 1 single once time,
It doesn’t mean it wasn’t once yesterday
And once doesn’t mean it has to stay in the past
I once wanted to kill myself.
If only she knew,
Once doesn’t mean 1 single once time,
It doesn’t mean it wasn’t once yesterday
And once doesn’t mean it has to stay in the past
In the afternoon
I woke in the afternoon, sun was setting.
These are my almost dark mornings
When the sun is too much
These are my almost dark mornings
When the sun is too much
I never knew him
I’ve always spoken of my attackers as “they”
As if they were a unified body of rapists, with a plot and a plan
Executed on me.
Never have they ever been Brad, D and Turk.
One more… but my memory escapes me. Perhaps I never knew him
As a person…
As if they were a unified body of rapists, with a plot and a plan
Executed on me.
Never have they ever been Brad, D and Turk.
One more… but my memory escapes me. Perhaps I never knew him
As a person…
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